Allysa blogs

Ahh, I'M BACK FELLAS! After a long long time weren't blogging at all, finally, I'm back again! Sebenernya gw 'puasa' blogging bukan karena ga bisa OL atau apa, cuma blog gw aja lagi gw update alias 'ganti baju'. Gimana menurut kalian semua ?? Getting better or worse ? Dan sekadar info, posting2an lama gw udah ga bisa kebaca, ancur banget kalo dipake di template ini, jadi sorry, masih baru bisa nampilin 1 posting, ntar kan lama2 numpuk sendiri :) Sumpah, gw utak-atik di ni blog from 8am until now. Gila bener, it tooked 6 hours away. Ckckck, ya I know, gw terlalu 'alay' sama blog gw. Ya IDK why, I just love my blog, and I'll do everything best for it. Ya meskipun dapet omelan sana sini dari oma maupun bonyok, yang disuruh belajar lah apalah, dan ga sempet nonton dvd+baja majalah yg gw beli kemarin. Hahaha. 

Ya I know it. Just 13 days to go until national exam, and in fact that, I haven't ready yet. Gw tau, I know, kalo gw ini bisa dibilang ngeanggap enteng all of this stuffs, dengan ga belajar, selalu menghabiskan waktu yg sangat terbatas ini dengan autis di depan komputer/majalah/tv. Dan dengan kondisi ketiga nilai TO gw yg sama sekali tidak bisa dibilang bagus, gw selalu malas dan tidak pandai mengatur waktu. Gw ga pernah punya keinginan untuk belajar, serasa no motivation. I always play, play and play. Idk what's happening to me, really. I just lost me. I feel I'm not me anymore, I'm just a strange people that I don't know who is she. I just lost my confident, my ability, my power, my strange, my believe, my willing, my motivation. I don't know what else I can do. I just can't find them. I just can't hold myself anymore, and it's all gone like a wind. I know I could be better, but this time, I don't know why, I feel empty, blank, no purpose, no direction, have nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to believe, nothing to reach. I've none to be hold. I just can't control it, I just lose my mind. Dulu, ga ada yg namanya seorang Aleena nyontek/ngerpek/open book, paling2 cuma tanya/discuss, but now, I do, do that things. Dulu, ga ada yg namanya seorang Aleena dapet nilai merah, but now, I got one. See, semakin lama prestasi gw semakin menurun. Gw ngerasa ada yg aneh, berubah dan kurang di diri gw. Gw ngerasa kosong. Gw ngerasa terlalu santai, sampai2 semua itu hilang. I feel guilty and regretful. But, from now on, I realized, if I can't find my 'old' me, just make a 'new' one. I'll build myself better, study harder, no more playing, and start to build my own destination. Dan mulai besok lusa, I'll start the war, join it, fight for it, and win for it. I'm sure I can do my best, I can pass it, with God besides me, and my families and relatives who always there for me, support me and telling me to do the best. I'm sure I CAN FACE ALL OF THIS. And I promised myself, temporary no blogging, maybe just Tumblr and Twitter. I'll promise I'll be back when I 'win' and got the 'trophy' :)