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Thursday, August 12, 2010
uhh I don't know what to say ..
rasanya hati ini 'ngganjel' banget ..
ga tenang ...
ini kah yg dinamakan REMORSE ?!
sumpah, I'm so fcking regretful !
VERY VERY REGRETFUL !
dongkol banget gw rasanya kalo nginget kebodohan gw itu ..
yg berujung seperti ini ...
******
ok, gw ceritain semuanya ke kalian ..
kalo kalian pada ngikutin blog gw *ato bisa baca posting2 sebelumnya kalo mau*
I applied and RESIGNED student council
sounds stupid huh ?!
yeah I know ..
I WAS VERY VERY STUPID!
udah, rasanya percuma juga diomongin lagi, toh gw udah panjang lebar ngomong di postingan2 sebelumnya ..
but, remorse gw kembali 'kambuh' tadi siang di sekolah ..
ada kampanye calon ketua osis ..
ada 4 candidates, 2 anak kelas 11, dan 2 anak kelas 10 ..
ok jujur, gw biasa aja waktu itu ...
tapi setelah otak gw mencerna lebih dalam ...
pikiran gw mulai terusik dengan memori2 kebodohan gw itu ...
yg penuh dengan kata2 ..
"Why did you resign ?"
"Dapetin form nya aja sudah susah, rebutan, panas2an, dapetin tanda tangan ketos udah ngantri bejubel2, belain pulang telat buat nyari tanda guru, belain mikir ekstra buat ngisi form, belain mikir cerdas buat ngisi test tulis, dan KETERIMA, but lo tinggal gitu aja waktu sesi wawancara padahal yg ga keterima ga keterima itu pengen banget, GOBLOK LU!. Kalo gitu ga usah apply aja sekalian, ALL OF YOUR EFFORTS WERE USELESS YOU KNOW ?!"
ya, in fact, gw memaki2 diri gw sendiri ..
idk why ..
and my head kept full with words ..
"You must confident with yourself! Paling ga nyoba dulu sebelum mundur, well you didn't even try, ehhh langsung aja menyerah. THAT'S NOT YOU LENA! At least, if you tried, you would have a chance to stood there, did some campaign, and be the 5th candidates maybe."
Well, gw bukan ekstra PD, gw cuma ngeyakinin diri aja, that's all ..
Apalagi setelah anak2 bilang, "Kamu sih pake resign segala, kalo ngga lo MUNGKIN bisa jadi salah satu calonnya." ato "Kalo lo yg jadi calon-nya, gw bakalan jadi tim sukses lo." dan lain lain ..
realize how stupid I am ?! yeah I WAS ...
ga tau kenapa, hati gw ga enak aja ..
rasanya NYESEEEEELLLLLLLLLL banget .. sumpah!
gw tau gw masih belum siap, gw tahu gw masih belum confident, but at least, WHY DIDN'T I TRY ?! itu yg amat sangat gw sayangkan ..
well, walaupun pada akhirnya, gw yakin, yg jadi ketos pasti anak kelas 11, karena mereka lebih punya pengalaman dan tahu seluk beluk Sinlui *and gw masih gtw harus milih siapa* ..
but at least, gw bisa UNJUK GIGI, buktiin bahwa gw bukan hanya seorang yg HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW OTHER PEOPLE .. ya kan ?!
I know I got what it takes, and I know I can, but I knew now isn't the right time for me, I haven't prepared yet ..
dan sesuatu yg ga gw yakini, gw gag PD, dan gw tunda2 atau ulur2 terus, at the end, I'LL GOT NOTHING ,,,
dan rasanya seru banget campaign itu ...
rasanya gimana gitu ..
ok, I'm not searching for a POPULARITY, no I'm not, truthfully ..
I'M SEARCHING FOR A NEW EXPERIENCE AND CIRCLE FRIENDS, that's all ..
but I realized that I can't manage my time well, that will culminate for my future, as a FUTURE DOCTOR, and I must increased my achievement there at Sinlui, in to SCIENCE CLASS and in to the best university for medical, and that was why I resigned ...
am I right ?
or not ?
Well, just time who'll tell me ..
BUT I WON'T GIVE UP !
I'LL TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR!
AS A BETTER ME, AND WE'LL SEE ..
siapa tahu gw jadi candidat ketua osis 1112 ?! who knows ?! =p
*****
what to learn ?
REGRET IS USELESS
BETTER IF YOU MAKE IT AS A LESSON AND LEARN TO BE A BETTER YOU! :)
*meskipun penyesalan ini akan terus terulang setiap kali gw melihat sesuatu yg berhubungan dengan student council dan bakalan ngoceh2 lagi di sini sampe kalian bosen baca topik yg gw ulang2in terus, but that's ok, at least I know I did the right thing (meskipun nyesel BANGET) :)*
*****
dan gw sekarang jarang bahkan bisa dibilang GA PERNAH photoshoot, gara2 kesibukan di Sinlui dan badan gw yg semakin 'menggembung' (baca = gendut), so later lah, diet dulu wakaka =p
*****
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